Transcription:TMNT Pizza Brutality
(Donatello is presenting his latest invention, which is currently covered under a cloak, to the other Ninja Turtles and Splinter.) Leonardo: What is it? Donatello: (taking off the cloak to reveal a large military tank) I call it the Pizza-Thrower! Raphael: Looks like a tank. Donatello: That's because it is a tank! Congress passed a bill that sends army weapons to law enforcement, and assorted vigilantes! All four turtles: Radical! Donatello: I turned the radiator into a brick oven. Then I replaced the missile turret with a pizza cannon! Master Splinter: Impressive, Donatello. But military equipment is more powerful than nunchuks and bo staffs. Michelangelo: More powerful means more awesome! Raphael: Yeah! (Cut to Shredder, accompanied by several Foot Soldiers, terrorizing a city, as several civilians scream and flee in horror) Shredder: All shall fall before the Shredder! (Laughs) (The Turtles arrive at the scene in the Pizza-Thrower tank) Leonardo: Order up! Donatello: Say hello to Military-grade mozzarella! (Donatello fires hot pizzas from the tank into the faces of the Foot Soldiers, who fall to the ground and scream in pain) Michelangelo: Whoa! That was easy. Shredder: Not so fast, turtles. Tonight, I dine on turtle sou-- (he is hit in the face with a hot pizza and screams in agony) It burns! Raphael: (approaching Shredder with a nightstick) Hands behind your back, dude! Shredder: Please. This cheese is so hot, it's inside my mask! (grunts) (Raphael begins to beat Shredder with the nightstick) Raphael: Hey, stop resisting! Shredder: I'm not! I can't even see! (Raphael whips out a taser and uses it on Shredder) Raphael: STOP RESISTING! Shredder: AAH! IT'S MAKING THE CHEESE HOTTER! (groans) (Raphael continues to taser Shredder until he passes out. He turns to the other Turtles) Raphael: He was coming at me. Everyone saw him coming at me, right? Donatello: Yeah, dude. Totally. Raphael: So we should like, go home now, right? Donatello: We, uh, still got a ton of pizza left in the chamber, dudes. (cut to the Turtles patrolling the city in their Pizza-Thrower tank. Michelangelo: Move it along! Turtles coming through! (spots a car parked in a red zone) That car's parked in the red, dude! (The Pizza-Thrower tank fires pizzas onto the car) Leonardo: That's what you get for breaking the law! (The Turtles spot a teenager, apparently under 18 years of age, smoking a cigarette) Raphael: That kid's not 18! Take out his cigarette! (the Turtles fire a pizza into the boy's stomach, knocking him to the ground. Teen: Oh! (Grunts) (Leonardo picks up the teen's ID card and reads it) Leonardo: According to this, he's 19. Teen: (Groans) I'm a late bloomer. Leonardo: Well, y-- you shouldn't be smoking! (Cut to the Turtles and Splinter watching the news in the Sewer Lair) Reporter: We have exclusive cell phone footage from the incident. I must warn you, the video is disturbing. (video footage is shown on the TV of Raphael assaulting Splinter with a nightstick) Raphael: Stop resisting! Shredder: I'm not! I can't even see! (Raphael whips out his taser and uses it on Shredder) Raphael: Stop resisting! (cut back to the Turtles and Splinter) Reporter: A hate crime against a minority. Do the Ninja Turtles hate Asians? Leonardo: Hate Asians? W-we are Asian! Michelangelo: Asian?! We're Italian, dude. Master Splinter: You're fucking turtles! (end of sketch, as well as the end of the episode) Category:Transcriptions